Werewolves Revamped
🕵 S12g5r Secret Channels #2 / citizen
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step 2. were obviously cutting costs as i have previously said yesterday, but were also looking to diversify our portfolio- it’s time to move into different sectors- entertainment, food, even the white stuff - after all even in a recession people need to live laugh spend so let’s make sure we squeeze every penny into our pockets
by diversifying our company we ensure that we remain relevant, and not have to work like dwight in the office- we still need to stay classy. furthermore by partnering with underground providers- we ensure we can keep our high end clients as well as the more common man. also we don’t even need to start from scratch- see our struggling competitors and snap them up through aggressive lowballing - this economic recession can become our greatest asset
step 3. time for a rebrand. we should brand ourselves as a luxury, better than the rest- while getting more and more discounts from our suppliers using this economic collapse to turn them into a hot can after cold water is poured over it. after all people are looking to escape their misery - and what better place to escape than indulging in Elle-celence?
thank you for listening to this speech @Event Host 
after all, ANYTHING can be sold- you just have to market it right! how do you think slavery started? [the hr team has talked to me about my jokes]
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step 2. were obviously cutting costs as i have previously said yesterday, but were also looking to diversify our portfolio- it’s time to move into different sectors- entertainment, food, even the white stuff - after all even in a recession people need to live laugh spend so let’s make sure we squeeze every penny into our pockets
by diversifying our company we ensure that we remain relevant, and not have to work like dwight in the office- we still need to stay classy. furthermore by partnering with underground providers- we ensure we can keep our high end clients as well as the more common man. also we don’t even need to start from scratch- see our struggling competitors and snap them up through aggressive lowballing - this economic recession can become our greatest asset
step 3. time for a rebrand. we should brand ourselves as a luxury, better than the rest- while getting more and more discounts from our suppliers using this economic collapse to turn them into a hot can after cold water is poured over it. after all people are looking to escape their misery - and what better place to escape than indulging in Elle-celence?
thank you for listening to this speech @Event Host after all, ANYTHING can be sold- you just have to market it right! how do you think slavery started? [the hr team has talked to me about my jokes] 
, for a total of 70 per day. 
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yall what happened to one task a day
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keep our money.
To the amazing stakeholders, you may be wondering- how can I possibly be getting more out of this? What could Elle possibly be doing to make this more profitable? well its really simple- we continue doing what we are right now, slow and steady, step by step,you know i love a good slowburn building the empire that will be wwr in the future. Each time i've been entrusted with your money, i've always made it come...back. I'm always in the room where it happens and our strategy will be so explosive that Marcus Aurelius will rise from his grave to congratulate me, cough sorry I mean us with an applause that will have Americans scrambling for their bulletproof vests.
Now to the future legends, - the ones waiting in the wings- you may not currently be with us at this moment but you are just one smashing application away from entering the greatest team since washington's cabinet. Your next job isnt a job- it is your shot at a spiritual, physical and financial awakening, in a place where history has its eyes on you. We aren't hiring workers. We're hiring history makers.
Elle out - mic drop, fireworks, fade to black, you know the drill leader cant even upgrade her insurance plan. This is practically corporate malpractice.
Let’s take a look at our rival company McDonald’s who is truly winning this capitalism game at the moment with a subtle nod at their monopoly promotion. They quite literally tell everyone who works for them that you guys are all just pawns and we(the higher ups) are monopolising all the money. Its in the name. They pay their workers on average $7 per hour while they rake billions in pure unadulterated profit. That’s right all that money goes into lining their ceo john mcdonald’s pockets so he can continue chomping big macs without worrying about a hospital bill wiping out his entire fortune. That is a true winner of capitalism. And frankly, I'm better than that. I deserve more. Im not just a figurehead, I'm the queen of this empire.
So lets fix this, together. For my health, your conscience and you know. capitalism.
Indignantly (but ofc dignified-ly),
Elle
pss. (i lied, one more one more thing - which really if you think about it proves i am the best leader for this company) i can pull off anything, but hospital scrubs wash me out. lets not. Bisous!
, for a total of 80 per day.
but really, we're more like famiglia.
Become Huck's assistant! You're going to be so overworked you will become Dazai constantly searching for the eternal solution instead of becoming sad old Prufrock
Huck is one of the most valuable members of the company with a stellar personality. By taking this opportunity you have the chance to grow under one of the best of the best doing work that truly matters- archiving the history of the greatest.
You will have a character building experience! I know everyone is so done with the constant doomscroll, she's a witch! and sheeping everything your neighbours say. It's like you've become Giles Corey, but instead of the literal weights its the metaphorical doom of the inherent nihilism that has suddenly sprung out of you as you work like a horse for watered oats. When joining us, all these worries can leave your mind as you focus your energy into building our empire with us- brick by brick.
Finally, this job will elevate you in more ways than one. Your ex will regret missing out on you- but you wont want them back. We raise salaries, expectations, desires and other things ifykwim
So what are you waiting for? Join today!
Bisous,
Elle
i am once again requesting a financial glow up. you see im using my absolute god tier genius on this masterpiece when i could be debating whether or not we should be offing children (real story i argue this point all the time and id love to get into a debate with anyone about this because i won’t lie im really not that convinced on my own standpoint bc i follow it purely for morality so the more i get to explore this debate the better and i’d love you forever if you started with me 
a stranger literally heard me discussing it in the street and chimed in his thoughts lol highlights of 2024) and yall probably think im a nutcase but only literally 
damn i wanted this to be laconic but i love yapping because im just iconic
So you’ve heard about my stella marketing ability, my cracking casuistry that could convince you to off a child and my extracurriulars it’s in the name of goodwill i promise i pay them it’s okay i know im the most amazing ceo/genius and it’s prolly cos he may or may not be acephalous and in which case i’d be rather cold too bc i’d be dead which might really happen if i don’t get this raise because i might just keel over from a cold bc i can’t afford medicine which really- is not a good look for our expanding empire 
I can climb to the greatest heights
Just ask my last boyfriend and with me i’ll take the prestige and name of our company
i have succeeded in making it less lengthy(not that i ever aim for length dwdw it’s average- i mean wayyy above average - i mean far too big- i gotchu probably if you ignore my outtakes in the name of humour and pls - debate whether we should off a child with me if you wanna bc i haven’t explained the premise at all to you - invitation open to anyone i love getting a fresh perspective
So naturally, because yes this is all natural
I deserve my pay grade to at least come close to my genius because let’s be real, even if we had infinite money it could never be a match for my infinite wisdom, infinite courage and infinite jest
Elle xoxo
why do people like pps so much
2. My personal experience Sometimes in the middle of the night I'll hear my neighbours shout out how much they love pussies. I have literally never heard anyone scream such a fervent declaration of their love for another animal be it a dog or something else.
3. Finally. Have you ever heard of the musical Dogs? Of course not. Thats because it doesn't exist. Meanwhile Taylor Swift the queen herself has been in the musical "Cats" instantly elevating the allure of a cat.
So there you guys have it. Donate now to support our cute little feline friends. also chat noir is hot personal take okay bye
Chat soon, au revoir mes petits chats!
Elle 
@Event Host i have literally never posted this before how is it getting automodded- and plenty more that would make this app longer than the bible if i were to list it out - and more comprehensive too.
5. China.-
14. Liar Liar. As a CEO of this company I feel like lying and deception are one of our core values and I need to able to perfectly demonstrate it. While other people have their secrets- I own mine. I have never not been perfect and I will never be. I am the perfect person, leader, CEO.
Apparently i’m up against the truly unbelievable and the future king of pirates (probably iunno it’s so long)
but as the reigning queen of this empire, the impossible is attainable and I deserve more than the crumbs off this capitalist table.
Yours sincerely,
Elle @Event Host